The term, coined by sex columnist Dan Savage, defines anything outside the normal constrictions of monogamy. And lately, more and more couples have been willing to view monogamy with more… flexibility.
As Savage says: “I acknowledge the advantages of monogamy, when it comes to sexual safety, infections, emotional safety, paternity assurances. But people in monogamous relationships have to be willing to meet me a quarter of the way and acknowledge the drawbacks of monogamy around boredom, despair, lack of variety, sexual death and being taken for granted.”
If you are experiencing boredom, despair, or lack of variety in your relationship, Savage encourages you to investigate deeper.
Because - if you think about it - what are the alternatives? Cheating? Affairs? Betrayal? Lies? All will likely end your relationship as you know it, or severely damage your trust. But that doesn’t have to be the outcome. If you bring the option to the table and talk about how to restructure your relationship’s boundaries to work for you, you might find yourself in a more thriving, exciting, satisfying union than you ever thought possible.
Ultimately, it comes down to whether or not you and your partner are able to fulfill each other's every desire. The acronym Savage swears by is GGG. It stands for:
- Good (able to satisfy)
- Giving (generous in bed)
- Game (down for anything)
Here’s an example: If you expressed an interest in bondage or toys, and your partner has expressed an explicit interest in NOT using toys or bondage - they’s not able to be a “G.G.G. lover” for those specific needs. That doesn’t mean they's bad, or traditional, or boring - all it means is their desires don’t align with your desires. (They, in turn, might want to do something you’re not comfortable with. Everyone has their things.)
If you restructure your relationship’s boundaries to work for you, you might find yourself in a more thriving, exciting, satisfying union than you ever thought possible.
So, if you’ve recognized a boundary in your relationship that your partner won’t cross - but you really want to - there are more options than just infidelity or breaking up. You might want to start exploring the world of monogamish.