Marriage 101: The Best Marriage Advice for Every Couple, At Every Stage
Warren Buffet, widely considered as one of the best investors and business tycoons of all time, has some advice for you (it’s about being successful, so listen carefully): “Marry the right person. I’m serious about that. It will make more difference in your life. It will change your aspirations, all kinds of things.” This is coming from a man worth 80 billion dollars. Possibly worth following, right?
Marriage advice should be treated like a gift - because that’s what it is. It is the distilled wisdom of previous generations, wrapped up in a gift and served to you and your partner at every different stage of your relationship.
Here are some of the most insightful pieces of advice experts (in marriage) have given:
At Your Wedding…
“Make your house a home.”
Newlyweds will be urged to focus on cultivating a warm, welcoming space - and not just racing to buy an affordable starter house. In Danish culture, this is considered of paramount importance. The experts recommend buying scented candles, soft blankets, painting the rooms in colors you both like, and making a sanctuary for the two of you to enjoy.
“Appreciate each other’s effort.”
Complaining about marriage is practically an Olympic sport for many couples… and many start early. This is a great way to avoid that pattern. If you make a conscious effort to say “Oh thank you for emptying the dishwasher” and “Dinner smells amazing! Thanks for cooking” you’ll find yourself feeling a lot happier and appreciated.
“Realize ‘equal’ and ‘50/50’ aren’t the same”
Equality and equity in marriage are essential to both partners feeling valued - but that doesn’t mean every day sees a 50/50 split in chores. Striving for balance means understanding that some days you’ll do 80% of the work, some days your partner will carry the bulk of the household tasks. Having each other’s backs - that’s real equity.
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When you have your first baby…
In-laws, co-workers, friends, extended family… boundaries will matter now more than ever. In fact, getting comfortable with the word “no” right now will save you loads of grief in the long run. When you expand your family, everything changes, and the process of reprioritizing is one best done between you and your partner… and limited visits from in-laws.
The sleep deprivation of a new baby alone is enough to completely demolish your personal care routine. Compound that with the hormonal roller coaster, the shock of first-time parenting, and the constant diaper changes… and you might not remember your first name. Taking time to practice self-care (even if it looks a little different than it used to) will be critical for staying happy and intact.
When you’re raising children…
“Stay on the same team.”
Like so many things, it’s easier said than done. And although remembering this simple truth when you’re well into your child-rearing years, when chaos replaces stability and you’ve totally lost your sanity and also any quiet time… it’s maybe the most important thing. You and your partner are still teammates, best friends, and each other’s biggest supporters.
“Don’t lose yourself.”
As you harness all your energy towards forming your little people into kind, thoughtful humans, you won’t have much extra time or mental space to devote to yourself. But studies show that parents are better when they fuel themselves first. Rediscover old hobbies, invest time in yourself, and remember that you have an identity outside your roles in your family.
When you’ve been together 20 years…
“Cherish the small moments.”
You know when people that have been married 40+ years say “It all goes so fast!” or “Blink and you’ll miss it!”. That's because time is relative. And when you’ve been alive (and together) for longer, each day seems like it flies by at a faster rate. Being in the moment is the best antidote to this experience: if you’re present every day, each day matters that much more.
“Say “I love you” every day.”
There simply isn’t a limit on the number of times you can hear this. When you’ve been together 20ish years, it’s almost implied, isn’t it? Ah, not so fast. Vocalizing your affection (and gratitude, and joy, and regret) is imperative for a full, rich relationship.
From unique date night ideas and romance reminders for the good times, to conversation guides and one-on-one coaching for the bad times - Relish can help guide you through the highs and lows of any relationship. Start your free trial