Love 101: How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship
Anyone that has been in a long-term relationship can attest that all relationships go through periods of ebb and flow, closeness and distance, intimacy and separation. These phases are a totally natural part of any relationship, and can be attributed to a variety of different things like the stress level of you or your partner, the relationship being a few years old, or a degree of trust being broken. Sometimes we naturally phase back into intimacy and closeness, but sometimes it’s necessary to actively work your way out of a rut! Regardless of what got you into this rut in the first place, there are actionable steps you can take to rekindle your intimacy – emotional and physical – and get the spark back in your relationship.
Here are a few practical tips to help get the spark back:
Try something new together
A lot of the time, relationships lose their spark simply because you and your partner fall into the same old pattern and routine. It can be easy to take your partner for granted when you get super comfortable in your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with getting comfortable in your relationship, it’s actually one of the best parts of being in a long-term relationship, but it’s imperative that this comfort doesn’t cause you to overlook your partner or to give up on the possibility of a little excitement.
A great way to introduce some excitement into a stale/comfortable relationship, is to try something new together. Finding a new activity, tv show or hobby that you both enjoy can help you budget in some quality time together, while changing up your routine in a healthy way.
More physical touch
Even during stressful times, or after you’ve been dating for a few years, it’s important to maintain a certain amount of physical touch in your relationship. Physical touch doesn’t necessarily mean intimacy (more on that below...), but can include things like hugging, snuggling, back rubs, massages and just other general touching. Engaging in physical touch can help your partner feel safe and close to you. Maintaining a loving and physical connection can also help you maintain a romantic connection.
Increasing your physical connection with your partner is something that you can work on every day. Rub their shoulders while they’re waiting for the kettle to boil, squeeze their arm when you walk by, give them a peck of the cheek before you head out the door, little every day acts like this will improve your physical intimacy in the long term, which can help you avoid slumps in the future. More touching in general can also lead to more sex, which will definitely help get the spark back in your relationship.
Did you know? “Physical Touch” is one of the 5 Love Languages. Learn more ways to express and receive love with Relish. Click here to start your free trial.
More praise and positive affirmations
In addition to all the physical aspects of a relationship, it’s super important that you offer your partner support. Depending on your personality type and love language, you may be more or less inclined to offer verbal praise and affirmations to your loved one. If this is you, or even if you are already a fan of verbal affirmations, it is super important to incorporate praise and positive affirmations into your relationship. Tell your partner you love them, and are proud of them, and appreciate the small things that they do. Nothing is too small to praise!
It’s not necessary to go totally over-the-top and compliment their socks, but be genuine and create an environment of support and love in your relationship. Creating this safe space can help you and your partner overcome issues of broken trust that have led to a slump. Even if you aren’t in a slump, it’s still great to give more praise to your partner. Afterall, you are in a relationship to make each other better people! Embrace this and let your partner know all the things you love about them on a regular basis.
While physical touch aside from intimacy is very important, physical intimacy is also an extremely important part of any romantic relationship. During phases of distance in relationships, intimacy is often the first thing to go. If you find yourself in a slump, it can be worth pursuing physical intimacy with your partner. If stress and a lack of time are the causes of your slump, it might be necessary to schedule intimate time together. As unsexy as that might sound at first, it can be fun to have something penciled in on the calendar that you can look forward to all week.
Afterall, a huge amount of sexual gratification results from the anticipation and build-up of sex. Making a concerted effort to be intimate with your partner (through things like scheduling intimate time), will reassure them that they are desirable to you, which will probably also lead to more intimacy. Introducing new things to your sex life can also be a great way to rekindle the spark you had, by adding in something different and exciting.
Try relationship coaching
Sometimes it can be really tricky to pinpoint the cause of a slump. And even if you do find the root cause, and follow the above tips and tricks, it can be hard to rekindle that spark you once felt. If this is the case, it might be time to turn to some professionals for help. And if you’re turning to professionals, you might as well turn to Relish. Relish is a relationship coaching app that you and your partner can use to help your relationship get back on track.
The app features unlimited, personalized, text-based coaching from relationship experts as well as a customizable improvement plan that can help you and your partner achieve your #relationshipgoals together. Relish also offers really great insights into your relationship personalities/personas that can help you navigate other problems you may be having, other than missing spark.
If a spark is all that you’re missing, download Relish for help rekindling those intense feelings you’ve lost sight of. Start your free trial today.