Rebuilding trust can feel like trying to glue a shattered mirror back together. When you're finished, it's not going to look the way it used to. It will be cracked, imperfect, and different. The same is true of your relationship. You may never get back to "the way things used to be," but maybe that's okay.
Finding Your New Normal
“Do your best, but don’t expect the outcome you want,” says relationship expert Mindy Beth Lipson. “Be respectful and go into the process of repair with an open heart and mind and an awareness of all outcomes being in the highest good for both parties."
It's very scary to think that your relationship might never be the same, but it's also very liberating.
Be realistic, not idealistic. Find your new role in your new relationship instead of trying to restore your old role in your old relationship. It sounds simple, but this is a hard thing to execute. It requires the courage to let go of the past and hope to build something better (and different) in the future.
Make Room For Growth
It's very scary to think that your relationship might never be the same, but it's also very liberating. Think of the infinite possibilities on the horizon for both you and your partner if you're allowed to start with a clean slate. You can ditch your old narratives (she always talks over me, he never washes the dishes) and become more active, more engaged people to each other.
Don't Harp On The Past
As you look to the future of your relationship, you have to leave the past in the past. Once both of you have communicated your perspectives, empathized with each other, and taken time to build trust back, it's important "keep your discussions in the present," according to Paul C. Brunson. Spend your energy not on thinking about what happened, but on working towards your shared goal: restoring trust.