Breakup Still Bringing You Down? 15 Ways to Get Over That Special Someone

Sometimes even the best relationships come to an end, and when this happens you might experience the break up blues. Feeling down after a relationship is totally normal, and you should know that you are not alone - breakups are hard and there are scientific reasons why they hurt so much. Going through a breakup can trigger the grief process. It’s not like the person passed away, but breakups can cause people to drop out of your life, sabotaging plans and your vision of the future, which can lead to legitimate grief.

Breakups can also be described like going through withdrawal. Love generates dopamine in our bodies, and dopamine is a type of drug. When relationships end, that supply of dopamine is totally cut off (especially if you are in the grief process), which can lead people to feel withdrawal after a relationship comes to an end. It’s totally normal to wallow in these types of feelings for a little while after a breakup, but you shouldn’t let a breakup ruin your life!

Here are a few tips you can follow to help get over that special someone.

1. Make plans

When you’re in a romantic relationship, you often spend a lot of time with your partner and one of the most jarring changes after a breakup is being alone. Whether your partner moved out or you no longer have standing plans on Friday nights, it can be hard to deal with being alone. To avoid loneliness that can often feel consuming after a fresh breakup, try making plans with people. This is not to say that you should immediately jump back into the dating game, but consider reaching out to friends and family so that you feel less by yourself. These plans don’t have to be elaborate or centered around fun, you can go to the grocery store together, make dinner, or even just go over to someone’s house to work during the day (assuming you’re on the WFH grind). Making plans can help you stay connected to your social circle and prevent you from feeling super lonely after a breakup.

2. Talk to somebody

If plans with big groups of people just seem like an energy drain, or too much of a commitment, it can be helpful to reach out to an especially trusted friend so that you can talk things out. Social situations can feel totally overwhelming, especially if you are feeling down, but that’s no reason to completely isolate yourself. Reach out to your best friend, or a sibling or parent, whoever you turn to for advice and consolation and talk over your feelings until you are ready for socializing again.

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3. Get a new hobby

Like we said above, breakups can leave you with a lot of free time on your hands, and while it’s important to make plans and hang out with your support system, it’s also a great opportunity for personal growth and finding things you enjoy doing by yourself. Independence can feel scary at first, but being single can offer more time and energy to find something new that you enjoy doing and that can get your mind off of the breakup. Your new hobby doesn’t have to be anything crazy, and it doesn’t even have to be new. Maybe you were super into reading before your relationship and haven’t picked up a book in a while. Or maybe you’ve been wanting to try something artistic or sporty or creative. Just get out and try something, putting yourself out of your comfort zone can be fun and rewarding. And trying out new things is a great way to meet new people and perhaps even find a new special someone.

4. Get active

A great potential hobby is to try doing something active. Whether it’s joining a soccer league, getting a membership to the gym, downloading a fitness app, or going on a run, getting active can up your endorphin levels and make you feel better by improving both your physical and mental health.

5. Focus on eating healthy

In addition to getting active, it’s important to nourish your body with healthy food, especially if you’re going through a hard time. You should definitely indulge in a pint or two of ice cream when you really need it, but paying attention to putting good food in your body will help you feel physically better even if you’re feeling emotionally down.

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6. Volunteer

Sometimes the only way to feel less crappy about yourself is to help someone else or something that you care about. Helping people/supporting something important feels good! Take some free time to look into local organizations with missions that you care about and spend time volunteering! Doing this will help you create some good change out of a bad situation.

7. Focus on your career

In addition to finding new hobbies and getting active, you can use the free time and energy you have as a newly single person to really focus on your career. It’s always important to have a work life balance, even after a breakup, but you can still focus on your career while maintaining a healthy work balance. Take this idea of self improvement and relate it to your work life. Is there a workshop or seminar you could take that would benefit your career trajectory? Or if you’re unhappy in your current job, this time could also be a great opportunity to transition careers or start a passion project outside of work. Being single offers a certain amount of freedom to try new things and make big changes that you may have perhaps been afraid of, or too comfortable to take. Pursuing things to improve your career will not only get you further along your path, but it also serves as a great distraction from your ex.

8. Listen to a breakup playlist

As important as it is to try and fill your time and single life with positive and uplifting activities, no one can be positive ALL the time, and it’s important to indulge yourself when need be. If you are in sad person mode, listening to a breakup playlist or any kind of sad music can actually be really cathartic. Acknowledging your emotions is an important part of a breakup, and sometimes you just need a good ugly cry to your favorite sad song.

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9. Remove triggers and reminders

In the age of social media and constant interconnectedness, it can be really hard to get distance from an ex after you break up. While it might feel a bit petty, it can be really helpful to unfollow or at least mute your ex on social media, delete their phone number and remove the couple pics from your accounts. Think “out of sight, out of mind” in this situation. It doesn’t mean that you have to completely cut an ex out of your life, but it might be easier during your transition phase if you don’t know their every move and aren’t constantly seeing their updates.

10. Take a trip

Sometimes blocking your ex from your feed and deleting their number just isn’t enough when everything in your life reminds you of them. If you feel like you can’t escape all the triggers and reminders from your life, consider taking a weekend trip to a new place so that you have some space from the little things that bring up hard feelings. This doesn’t have to be a lavish or expensive trip, it can even just be traveling to see a friend for a weekend or going on a little camping trip. Having a change of scenery can help you get away from triggers and reset in a new and fun place.

11. Self reflection

Most of the time relationships do not end out of the blue, and reflecting on what went wrong in the relationship, whether it was a compatibility issue, different views about the future, a huge fight or a million disagreements, can help you come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over. This type of self reflection can also help you evaluate the non-negotiables in a relationship and help you define what you want your future relationships to look like. Self reflection can come in the form journaling or other less structured activities, it’s really whatever you are comfortable with and whatever helps you process things the most.

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12. Try a dating app

Once you are feeling up for it, trying the dating scene again can be a super fun and flirty way to get over an ex. Breakups can often negatively impact our self-esteem, but dating is a fun way to get out on the scene again and feel desirable to someone new. Bouncing back from a relationship is totally a thing, and as long as you are being honest with your first dates/new potential partners about your situation and emotional availability, this is an awesome trick to try out.

13. Redefine yourself

It’s easy for people to feel defined by their partner or their relationship to their partner, and so some people struggle with finding/remembering their identity after a break up. If this is the case, it can be helpful to do something to totally redefine your look. Cut all your hair off! Or dye it! Get something pierced! Get a tattoo! Buy a cool new statement piece for your wardrobe that changes how you feel in your clothes. Doing things to change up how you look can sometimes help you change how you feel. And let’s face it, everyone needs a style reboot every once in a while. Take this transition period to try out something new and test your style out.

14. Give yourself time

As much as we wish there could be an easy way to fix a heartbreak, that’s just not the case. Recovering from a break-up takes time, and it’s important to respect that fact (and yourself) when it comes to the expectations you put on yourself after a breakup. Listen to what your heart and body need and don’t try to push yourself too hard. It’s okay and totally normal to be sad for a long time! So wallow for a bit, but then try to engage in healthy and positive activities, keeping in mind that you may still be a little sad from time to time.

15. Consult the experts

Sometimes even if you do all the right things, you still won’t be able to get over a relationship all by yourself. If you’re struggling with a break up for a long period of time, and feel like you aren’t able to be a good friend, or colleague or family member, it might be worth it to seek out professional help.

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