1. Make it clear what you want
When it comes to improving the quality AND quantity of your sex, good communication is key. Communicating your needs in the relationship in a general way is important, because good communication builds trust and keeps your relationship going. But it is also extremely important to communicate your sexual needs to your partner. If your partner isn’t doing it exactly right, direct them how to please you. It may seem awkward, or even like you might hurt their feelings, but at the end of the day they’re trying to please you, so help them! And if your partner gives you direction, appreciate the open, clear communication and do what you’re told.
2. Have check-ins
Let’s face it, your sex life is going to suffer if your relationship is suffering/on the rocks/in a rough patch/whatever you want to call it. It’s important to have check-ins with your partner so that you can evaluate how your relationship is going. Checking in will encourage open communication (like we discussed), and it will help address any problems you are facing as a couple. During your check-ins, you can find solutions to problems that could be holding your relationship back. Addressing these problems and moving forward will improve both your emotional and sexual relationship! During your check-ins you can also work in time to discuss your sex life.
3. Play your part
It’s important to communicate to your partner what you want in the bedroom (or outside of it, see below...), but you can’t put all the pressure on your partner to make things happen! It is important that you are in tune with your own sexuality, so that you can communicate your sexual needs to your partner. Along those lines, it’s also important to get yourself aroused when the time comes. Even if you find your partner to be the sexiest person on earth, they can’t always arouse you or pleasure you all on their own. Understand what you like and help them out every once in a while. It’s sexy to know what you want, and your partner will appreciate any and all tips that make sex more pleasurable for you.
Communication is key inside and outside the bedroom - need to improve your skills? Our relationship coaches are here to help. Get unlimited one-on-one sessions free for 7 days. Install now.
So like me, you may have thought that only women can do kegels. But you would be wrong! Both men and women can do kegel exercises, because both men and women have pelvic floor muscles, and kegels are just exercises that strengthen the pelvic floor. Doing kegels on the daily (or at least whenever you remember), strengthens your pelvic floor and can actually lead to better sex. Kegels are convenient, because you can do them everywhere and anywhere! As long as you don’t make any weird faces, no one will notice when you are doing your kegels. But you will probably notice your increased sexual pleasure!
5. Consider scheduling intimate time together
When life gets overwhelming, intimacy is often the first thing to go. It can be hard to think about sex or feel desireable when you have a million things going on and are super stressed out. But ignoring intimacy and sex during stressful times can be super damaging to your relationship. It’s important to stay intimately connected to your partner even if you feel like you can’t possibly fit one more thing into your day. Scheduling intimate time together with your partner can ensure that your sex life isn’t ignored during stressful times. Having a schedule for sex can also give you something to look forward to when you’re totally at wit’s end! A huge part of sex is the anticipation of it and the thoughts of it after, so play into that by scheduling things far in advance. Along these lines, it can also be fun to plan a little stay-cation somewhere, where you can completely focus on being intimate with your partner. Rent a hotel room, book an AirB&B, or even plan a camping trip where the only thing on the agenda is intimate time together.
6. Take it out of the bedroom
While it can be helpful to block off your schedule to ensure that you find some intimate time together, don’t forget how sexy spontaneity can be!! As much as we try to control our emotions and what not, you can’t always control when sexual desire comes over you. Sex does not need to be contained to a romantic bedroom set-up like we see in movies. Capitalizing on your sex drive where and when it hits you can lead to super exciting sex. Having sex outside of the bedroom can be a fun and spontaneous way to spice up your sex life. Countertops, couches, the shower, you name it! There’s no need to take sex completely out of the house (unless you’re into that, then totally go for it!), but being discrete and staying creative can add a fun dimension to your sex life!
7. Prioritize intimacy over sex
Even if wanting to have more sex is the goal (and tbh why wouldn’t it be...), you should not focus all of your energy on having sex. Focusing on sex can be overwhelming and even intimidating if you or your partner experience performance anxiety or have general nerves about sex. Instead, focus on building intimacy. You can do this by taking a sex break to focus of things like hugging and kissing, which will build physical intimacy without leading to sex as it might normally tend to. Engaging in non-sexual activities that involve touch, such as messages, can also help increase intimacy. Doing this can help improve your emotional connection, and make your sex better and more initimate when the break is over!
Did you know? “Physical Touch” is one of the 5 Love Languages. Discover more ways to connect with your partner, click here to download the #1 relationship training app.
8. Don’t rush foreplay
While everyone loves a good quickie, it’s important that not ALL of your sex is short and to the point. Afterall, foreplay can be one of the most fun parts of sex. Extending foreplay helps build up the anticipation of actually having sex, and can make the sex more enjoyable overall. Foreplay is fun regardless of if you are “giving” or “receiving” pleasure. It’s a way to increase the intimacy of your sex, by encorperating touching and kissing and all the other good stuff. Foreplay can also make sex more playful. Sex doesn’t have to be pure passion all the time, incorporating teasing and things of the sort in your foreplay can also lead to great sex. Get creative with it, drawwwww it out for as long as you can stand, and then think of the sex as the cherry on top.
9. Mutual masturbation
Let’s face it. Oftentimes, you know how to do it best. Masturbation is a good habit to keep up, regardless of if you are in an intimate relationship or not. Masterbation increases endorphins and provides sexual and emotional release that is necessary to live your life. It also allows you to know your body, which is important when you are trying to communicate your sexual needs to your partner. And while solo masturbation is awesome, it can also be fun to masturbate in the presence of, or even with your partner. Incorporating masturbation into your foreplay allows you to take an active role in arousing yourself (remember how we talked about playing your part!), and it also shows your partner exactly what you like and how you like it. This can often feel too vulnerable for many people, but if you take the leap of faith and just try it out, it will totally pay off!
10. Use toys
Incorporating toys like dildos and vibrators, can increase sexual stimulation and pleasure in a way the human body sometimes just can’t. It can be intimidating to introduce toys into your sex life, so consider using a toy on yourself (perhaps in a mutual masterbation scenario), as a first step, then moving on from there. When adding toys to your sex life, it’s important to communicate openly about what you need! And as awkward as it can sometimes feel (after all, not every couple talks about this kinda thing), just know that your partner wants to do everything in their power to make sex great for you. So let them! Clue them in on what to do and how to do it. If you don’t have any toys or just aren’t sure what you like, head to Google or your local sex shop, there a plenty of reviews and/or knowledgable people that will help you find the perfect match for you and your partner.
11. Try new positions
Okay, as cheesy and over-done as it may sound, check out the Kama Sutra! The Kama Sutra provides a wide-array of sex positions with helpful, easy-to-follow instructions and graphics to help you and your partner figure it out! Variety is the spice of life, so embrace this mentality in your sex life! If the Kama Sutra isn’t your thing, don’t worry!, there are plenty of other places to turn to for inspiration. Watching porn together as a couple can inspire new ideas for the bedroom, and it can also help elucidate the things that turn your partner on. If porn is too graphic or visually stimulating for you, you can also try reading erotica together for a little inspiration. Additionally, a quick Google search of ‘fun sex positions’ can provide further inspiration. Experimentation can add a fun dimension to your intimate relationship. Not every new position will work out, but finding new ones will improve your sex and keep things interesting!
Don’t let your relationship go dull! Get creative date ideas, romance tips and more with our award winning relationship app. Try free for 7 days.
12. Don’t be afraid to initiate
It’s important to take turns initiating sex. A hugely important part of sex is feeling desired by your partner, and a primary means of showing your desire is through initiating intimacy and sex. It’s easy to fall into patterns where one person initiates sex every time, but changing this up will show both partners that they’re sexually desirable. Changing up who initiates can also encourage more creative sex, changing up patterns of initiation can lead to trying new positions by changing the dynamic of the sex. Stepping outside of your traditional roles and comfort zones (in a consensual way!!) is a great way to foster better sex as a couple.
13. Dress up!
Okay, it’s so not necessary to put on lingerie or a spritz of cologne EVERY time you have sex, but it can be a nice to put in a little extra effort on occasion. While I’m sure your partner will most definitely appreciate it, it’s also important to do this for yourself. Doing things that boost your confidence will make you feel more desirable, and therefore more confident, which will inevitably lead to better sex. Dressing up can also mean incorperating costumes or role play into your sex. Many couples find that role playing (which lets be honest, is always better with a costume), can help them break out of their usual habits, leading to more exploration, and better sex.
14. Understand that sex can change
If you and your partner are together for a long time, you might be tempted to assume that their sexual preferences are staying the same. But, this couldn’t be further from the truth! As we age, our bodies change, as do our sexual preferences. It is important to check in with your partner to make sure that the sex is still pleasurable for them. This point goes back to our first tip about communication. Open and frequent communication about your desires (and sometimes even the mechanics, however hard it is to articulate) will ensure that you and your partner are adapting your sex to your changing bodies and preferences.
15. Consider opening up the relationship
Okay this is DEFINITELY a tip you need to talk over with your partner, but many couples find that opening up their relationships can lead to more fulfilling sex lives. This doesn’t have to be a permanent opening by any means, feel free to create parameters like a timeframe, or a specific number of people, or whatever makes you feel comfortable and confident with the arrangement. Having sex with people outside of your relationships can sometimes strengthen your connection to one another. And it can even give you new ideas for when you have sex together.
Learn how to navigate difficult conversations and get the relationship help you need on your schedule. Download Relish today and get started with a relationship coach for free.