How to Rekindle a Relationship: 10 Tips from a Relationship Coach

After the lovey dovey (and often sexually charged) honeymoon phase of a relationship ends, you may find that you don’t feel completely “head over heels” for your partner in the same way that you used to. We are here to tell you that is totally normal! After the honeymoon phase wears off, you and your partner will be more comfortable with each other which can lead to a more relaxed and stable dynamic. You and your partner will both get into routines within the relationship and things may start to feel more normal (which is a great thing!), but often at the cost of feeling new and exciting.

Embracing normalcy and companionship is an important step in any romantic relationship, but it is also important to recognize the difference between stability (aka normalcy) and a rut. If you and your partner develop bad habits in the relationship, habits like not prioritizing the relationship, not making time for intimacy, etc., then it is possible for your relationship to end up in a rut.

Here are ten practical tips for couples that are looking to rekindle their relationship, and get out of a rut:

1. Recognize the rut

First things first, it’s important to recognize when you are in a rut! Ask yourself when was the last time you and your partner shared an intimate moment? When was the last time you felt emotionally close to your partner? When was the last time you had sex? Ask yourself if you are satisfied in the relationship. If you are not happy with any of these answers, then it is possible that you and your partner are in a rut! If this turns out to be the case, don’t panic, every relationship goes through periods of closeness and distance, highs and lows. Recognizing the rut, and choosing to do something about it is the first step to overcoming it!

2. Revisit the beginning

If you feel like you and your partner have lost the spark that made the relationship special in the honeymoon phase, try to revisit the beginning of the relationship. It is never too late in the relationship to try and court your partner. Bring them flowers. Drop off their favorite coffee to them at work. Send cute text messages or letters. Introducing more flirting into the relationship (as if you haven’t already courted each other) can inspire a mini honeymoon phase that can help you and your partner rekindle your relationship.

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3. Step out of your comfort zone together

If you and your partner are in a rut, you may feel as if there is no excitement in the relationship. A great way to overcome this is to step out of your comfort zone, together. Trying new things will add some excitement and freshness to your relationship. Stepping out of your comfort zone can mean a lot of different things. Maybe you and your partner take on a new hobby as a couple. Maybe you try something new in the bedroom. Maybe you take a trip to a place that you have never visited. There are plenty of new things to explore that can add a spark to your relationship and help you rekindle things.

4. Schedule check-ins

As your relationship evolves past the honeymoon phase, it’s important to prioritize communication. In addition to chatting with your partner and asking about their day, it’s also important to prioritize difficult communication about things like boundaries and fulfillment in the relationship. These conversations often do not come up organically, so it’s a good idea to schedule time to check in with your partner. Scheduling weekly, monthly or yearly check-ins can help ensure that you and your partner are on the same page about your relationship. It can also serve as a platform to air out grievances that you are having before these feelings turn into anger and lead to conflict.

5. Focus on affection

If you feel like your relationship is a rut, focus on showing affection to your partner. This can mean holding their hand in public, rubbing their back or kissing them on the cheek as they walk out the door. It can also mean helping them check something off of their to-do list or letting them vent to you. There are many little ways to show your partner affection each and every day! As relationships wear on, people often forget how important it can be to show affection to their partner. At the end of the day, affection is just a form of attention and it’s important to stay attentive to your partner and demonstrate that they are important to you. Being more affectionate will show your partner that they are important to you, which can help you rekindle the relationship.

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6. Schedule intimacy

After the honeymoon phase, it is common for the level of intimacy to decline in the relationship. Though this is a natural turn of events, it’s important that intimacy doesn’t completely disappear from your relationship. If you are unhappy with the amount of intimacy in your relationship, consider scheduling intimate time with your partner. While sex is often the first thing that comes to mind when we discuss intimacy, it is also important to focus on emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy can often pave the way for sexual intimacy, especially if you and your partner are not having regular sex. Scheduling a date night, offering to cook dinner, doing other romantic and intimate activities can help you and your partner rekindle your emotional closeness. In addition to scheduling these type of activities, it’s also a good idea to schedule sex with your partner. Putting it on the calendar can ensure that it happens and it can give you something to look forward to.

7. Give each other space

If you feel like your relationship is in a rut, it can be important to take time away from your partner. While this may sound counter intuitive, it’s crucial to have boundaries in your relationship that allow you to take time to yourself. Taking space from one another can give you time to practice self care (more on that below) and it can help you pursue other interests and hobbies so that you have connections outside of your relationship. While your romantic relationship should be a priority in your life, it should not be your only relationship. It’s important to keep up with friends and family members so that you have a support system and other connections. Giving each other space will allow you to maintain your connections to other people and it will allow your partner to do the same. This freedom is an important part of any healthy relationship and it will improve your relationship and help you out of a rut.

8. Practice self care

It’s super important to practice self care while you are in a relationship. Though you should be able to turn on your partner for support, you should not rely completely on your partner. Whether you are single or in a relationship, it is important to take ownership of your mental health and well being. Doing this means that you need to take time to practice self care. Self care comes in many different shapes and forms, but can look like exercise, meditation, journaling, eating healthy, and taking some time to yourself.

Like we mentioned before, taking time to yourself in a relationship is super important, and part of the reason is so that you have time to practice self care (and so that your partner does too!). Practicing self care will keep you grounded in your relationship, which can make it more fulfilling. Taking time to care for your own well being will also improve your capacity as a partner and support for your partner, which can also improve your relationship.

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9. Talk to a professional

If you and your partner are in a rut and struggling to get out of it, it’s a good idea to talk to a professional. A lot of people think that going to a professional signals the beginning of the end of the relationship, but that could not be further from the truth. Talking to a professional can offer insight into your relationship and provide solutions to help you get out of a rut. Most couples will have ruts in their relationship from time to time, which means professionals have a lot of experience helping couples navigate ruts and come out stronger on the other side! As intimidating as it can seem, talking to a professional is a great way to rekindle your relationship.

10. Relish

If you and your partner are interested in talking to a professional, but are intimidated by the formality, cost or commitment of traditional, consider turning to Relish, a relationship coaching app. Relish offers all the perks of traditional therapy with added convenience and flexibility. The relationship coaches at Relish can provide tips on how to get out of a rut by helping you and your partner establish goals for your relationship and move towards achieving those goals. Relish is a great resource for couples stuck in a rough patch, looking to rekindle their relationship.

With Relish you can text with a qualified relationship coach for one-to-one advice, take therapist-approved quizzes about communication, conflict, intimacy and more. Try our award winning relationship coaching app free for one week!