Ready to Remarry? 7 Things to Ask Yourself Before Saying 'I Do' (Again)

Divorce can be disheartening, but it doesn’t mean it’s the end of your romantic road! Whether you were looking for someone new or stumbled upon someone accidentally, deciding you want to remarry is incredibly exciting. Maybe you weren’t planning on tying the knot again, but if you meet the right person, what’s to stop you?

If you’re fairly certain you’re ready to remarry but still have some lingering thoughts and questions, we’re here to help. To start, let’s take a look at some statistics:

• 50% of first marriages end in divorce
• 67% of second marriages end in divorce
• 74% of third marriages end in divorce

Now, these statistics are not meant to discourage you! It’s helpful to keep an open mind and realistic perspective when it comes to such a big life decision. And guess what? They’re not an exact science, and beating the odds is completely possible if you’re both committed to making it work!

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Here are a few other questions to ask yourself before saying “I do” again:

1. Are There Any Issues Holding You Back?

Before you commit to another marriage, you’ll need to be doubly sure you don’t have any unresolved issues. Do you still feel resentment toward your ex? Do you share children or financial obligations? Are you enjoying your newfound freedom, unsure if you want to give it up?

Whether you address these independently or with a therapist, it’s important to be totally honest with yourself. If you move forward with a remarriage when you still have lingering issues, it’s bound to be a challenge.

2. Why Did Your Previous Marriage End?

To remarry successfully, you’ll need to do some serious self-reflection. What went wrong with your last marriage? Instead of blaming all of the issues on your ex, you need to be realistic about what you may have done to contribute to the divorce. Recognizing your role is necessary for the success of your next marriage.

Try to be as objective as possible and be honest with yourself about your own actions. What mistakes were made during your previous marriage that you need to work on for your next one? Do you have anger issues, trust issues, or a problem with codependency? If you’re not willing to make improvements in yourself moving forward, your remarriage is more likely to be a repeat of your last one.

3. How Are You Going to Make the New Marriage a Priority?

While any relationship should be a priority, there are unique challenges that come with a remarriage. You’ll need to put in the extra effort to prioritize your new marriage and keep a strong connection.

To start, make sure you and your partner are making time to spend together each week, even if it’s just 30 minutes at the end of the day! Frequently check in with each other and talk about any problems and any improvements you can make. Plan regular date nights and try something new together! Research shows that doing something new and exciting together can help with boredom in the relationship and actually bring you closer.

Of course, along with time together comes the need for time apart. A healthy amount of space is critical for relationship satisfaction, so be sure to schedule some time here and there to focus on self-care.

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4. How Will I Communicate Differently?

The ways in which you communicate with your partner can make or break a relationship. Along with trust, good communication is a key ingredient in a successful remarriage. Work on active listening (making eye contact, keeping an open posture, being empathetic, not thinking about your reply while your partner is talking), don’t be afraid to open up about any concerns or worries, and — most importantly — put the phone away!

Phubbing (phone + snubbing your partner) is a very real problem in romantic relationships and acn actually lead to resentment and trust issues. When you’re talking, keep the electronics on the sidelines, allow each other to reply before interjecting, and remember to keep an open mind.

During an argument, try to stay calm, disengage if you need to calm down, think before you speak, and suggest a compromise. The more you communicate, the stronger your foundation of trust and respect will be.

5. Do My New Partner and I Share the Same Values?

For those who end one unhappy marriage, it can cause a lack of motivation to work through another marriage when things get tough. Before solidifying a remarriage, make sure you and your partner share the same values when it comes to commitment, trust, conflict, lifestyle, and future goals. If you have kids, it’s also helpful to be on the same page with parenting styles.

The bottom line? If you haven’t formed a strong connection and a willingness to stick with it during a rough patch, a remarriage might not be the best option right now. (But that doesn’t mean it’s off the table completely!)

6. What Are Your Roles with Each Other’s Children?

If you have children involved, creating a healthy step-relationship is critical. Research has shown that nearly one-third of Americans are part of a step-family. Poor relationships between stepparents and stepchildren are a big reason why remarriages don’t work out, so this should definitely be a top priority.

Before you remarry, you’ll need to make a solid plan with your partner about the roles each of you will play in step-relationships. If you have kids from a previous marriage, will your new partner need to interact with your ex when spending time with them? Are each of you comfortable with any exes that have regular contact with the children? How will you handle any issues your exes might have with your step-relationships?

You’ll need to think of every possible scenario when it comes to your new step-family and whether you’re both willing to put in the effort to make it work.

7. Am I Totally Ready to Remarry?

If you’re still on the fence about a remarriage, here are some signs that it might not be the right time:

You still think about getting back together with your former spouse You still harbor a lot of resentment and bitter feelings against your ex You don’t feel like you can be totally honest with your new partner You don't have the same values or goals as your new partner

If you’re still facing one of these issues, it doesn’t mean remarrying is impossible. It simply means you need to take a little more time to work through your problems before walking down the aisle again.

As long as you’re aware of the obstacles you might face and are honest with each other about expectations, you can make your remarriage a success! Focus on shared values and goals, improve your communication and conflict skills, and work with a couples therapist or relationship coach if you need a little extra help.

As long as you’re both committed to making your remarriage work, you’ll be well on your way to a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship.

Relish helps couples identify underlying relationship issues and build skills and practices to have a healthy remarriage. Get full access free for one week - download now!