Sticking With Your Spouse for Better or Worse (10 Tips for Saving A Marriage)
It’s all about “For better or for worse” when you get married, but what if “worse” ends up being...the worst? It can be tough to remember the good times when your marriage is on the rocks, but dedicating your life to someone else is bound to come with tough times, right? Right!
Rough patches happen in any marriage (even the best ones!), but here’s the good news — saving your marriage is 100% possible. As long as you’re both committed to each other (and your vows), you can find ways to reconnect and remember why you got married in the first place. Communication, self-reflection, honesty, and sincere effort are all you need to save your marriage and restore any love lost.
Here are 10 tips for saving your marriage and getting things back on track:
1. Identify the Problem
This takes honesty, open communication, and a little vulnerability (which can be tough, we know). To figure out what’s going wrong in your relationship, you and your partner need to reflect on what the main culprit could be. Are you having the same argument over and over? Are you feeling lonely? Has there been a break in trust? Have you simply grown apart? Talk to each other about what has changed since you got married and how it’s impacted both of you.
Relish relationship coaches are here to listen and offer expert advice for you and your spouse. Get started today with your week-long free trial and gain access to quizzes, insights, lessons, and more!
2. Make the First Move for Help
If you believe your marriage needs saving, the best thing you can do is speak up. Sometimes, couples will go about daily life knowing they aren’t happy, but still avoid talking about it. Ultimately, this leads to resentment that’s incredibly hard to overcome. It’s okay to be the first one to bring it up! Odds are, if you’re feeling like things are off, your spouse is too.
3. Listen More, Talk Less
Now is the perfect time to improve your listening skills! The next time your spouse is talking, try to stop, put down the phone, and truly listen to what they have to say. Your opinions and feelings are important, but if you don’t also make the effort to understand where your spouse is coming from, you’ll never be able to resolve your issues.
Think about what your body language is saying when you’re listening to your spouse: How are you sitting? Are your arms crossed, making you appear closed off? What is your facial expression like? Are you making eye contact? Are you nodding and acknowledging what they’re saying? By practicing active listening, you are also practicing empathy, which is crucial for putting yourself in their shoes and being able to reflect on how they feel.
4. Stop Keeping Score
Do you find yourselves keeping score all the time? “I’m always doing the dishes,” or “You never fold the laundry, I do,” are just a couple of examples, and no matter how insignificant they seem, they’re hurting your marriage. Not only is it unhealthy, but it leaves you both feeling insignificant and unappreciated.
This type of criticism is bound to lead to resentment, so try thinking of yourselves as a team. You’re in this marriage together! If you have an issue with your spouse’s actions, communicate it directly, rather than using passive-aggressive remarks.
5. Take a Look at Your Own Actions
We all love to play the blame game, but when it comes to saving your marriage, self-reflection is incredibly important. It’s time to take a long look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about which of your actions have led to problems in your marriage.
Shifting all of the blame to your spouse isn’t a healthy or realistic approach to healing your relationship. By taking your own actions into consideration, you can work on ways to improve them. It also shows your spouse that you’re willing to take responsibility for your actions, which is a giant step for moving forward.
6. Get Rid of Toxic Behaviors
What are some telltale toxic behaviors you both need to cut out of your relationship? Do your arguments always result in yelling at each other? Does one of you tend to speak to the other condescendingly? Do you shut down whenever tough conversations come up?
Small changes can make a huge difference, and it starts with cutting out those seemingly insignificant toxic behaviors (they all have a big impact!). Remember, it’s all about taking it one day at a time, and starting small is a great step in the right direction.
The relationship coaches at Relish are ready to help get your marriage back on track. Download the app today for your 7-day free trial.
7. Show Effort, Even When Things Are Tough
Going through tough times can take an emotional toll, but a little effort, even on your worst days, can make a significant difference. For example, surprise your spouse by making their favorite dinner, grab their favorite bottle of wine on the way home from work, or make them a cup of coffee in the morning.
Showing kindness and appreciation during a rough patch will spark gratitude in your spouse, which can boost their mood (and yours, too). Leave a love note for them to find, send a sweet text when you’re apart, or hold your next kiss just a little bit longer. Sometimes, it’s the smallest gestures that mean the most!
8. Find New Ways to Rekindle the Spark
When working on saving your marriage, a large part includes rekindling the spark that was lost. This doesn’t just mean physically (although still important), but reigniting the emotional closeness that made you fall in love. Try planning a getaway or night out, just the two of you! Recreate your honeymoon trip or first date, plan a couples retreat to relax and unwind, or find a local city you haven’t explored and have a staycation in a hotel.
Along with date nights and trips, tying something new together is a great way to add some much-needed excitement to the relationship. Find a way to get out of your comfort zone! Pick up a fun new hobby together or kick it up a notch in the bedroom. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something you’re both looking forward to, and be sure to relish in the newfound connection you’ll feel with each other.
9. Be Patient
Remember, saving your marriage isn’t going to happen overnight. If you’re committed to sticking with your spouse for better or worse, you’ll need to power through the tough times, no matter how long it takes. Give yourselves time to work it out, since sometimes it can take a year or longer to get your relationship back to a healthy level.
One of the best ways to stick with it is to improve your communication. Schedule frequent check-ins with each other to talk about how each of you are feeling, any worries, or anything you feel is being improved. The more open you are with each other about your progress, the more you’ll want to keep trying.
10. Talk to a Therapist
Saving your marriage isn’t easy, and if you need a little help, that’s completely okay. Seeking help from a professional therapist or relationship coach is in no way a sign of failure! Ultimately, it shows that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage.
If you and your spouse are trying to make it work but can’t seem to figure out the best ways to do it, experts are ready and willing to help. One of the biggest benefits of talking to a therapist is they are able to provide a third-party perspective. It’s always helpful to have an unbiased, fresh take on the relationship to help you see things from a different point of view.
If you and your spouse are interested in talking to a professional but aren’t sold on the formality or cost of traditional therapy, you can consider turning to Relish, a relationship coaching app. Relish offers all the perks of traditional therapy with added convenience and flexibility. Not only are the quizzes, insights, and lessons tailored to your specific needs, but you’re also put in tough with real, expert relationship coaches that you can message anytime of the day.
The relationship coaches at Relish can provide tips on how to get out of a rut by helping you establish and reach goals for your relationship. Relish is a great resource for saving a marriage, and you and your spouse can navigate all it has to offer at your own speed and convenience.
Saving your marriage is tough, but if the thought of losing your spouse is even harder, then the effort is worth it. Remember that going through a rough patch doesn’t signal the end of your marriage! It’s natural for couples to have their ups and downs, especially if you’ve been married for a while. Stay focused and positive, keep talking to each other, and seek help from a professional if you need it. Marriage can be complicated, but the love you have for each other will help you overcome any obstacles thrown your way.
Help save your marriage by unlocking your 7-day free trial with Relish! Relationship quizzes, insights, lessons, and advice from real experts await.