Sometime during society's vast history of gabbing about our intimacy in the bedroom, we decided that the easiest way to improve our sex lives was to simply talk it out. Just be communicative, they said at happy hour. Just tell them how you like it, they frivolously tossed out over coffee. And sure, it's great to have open communication. But not if it comes at the expense of the mood. So when we think about how to improve experiences between the sheets, we have to take a step back and listen. Not to your friends, but to your senses.
Strip Away Distraction
According to Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, psychosexual therapist, when it comes to sex - "language is the least effective mode of communication we have. So if you're trying to improve your sex life, and laborious conversations haven't improved anything - shut up and let your other senses to the talking." It might sound a little abstract, but it's really about stripping away all the distraction. Getting out of your head. Less thinking, more doing. What are you feeling now? How about now? What can you hear, see, smell, feel? Are your senses more heightened when you can't see me? (Answer... YES.)
Sensory deprivation, according to experts, is one of the best ways to ignite the passion. According to Myisha Battle, a certified sex coach in San Francisco, "When one sense is dulled, the brain can temporarily compensate and allow us to become more sensitive to the stimuli from our other senses," she says. "This means that when we take away sight, our partner's touches, scent, taste, and sounds are a bit amplified."
Language is the least effective mode of communication we have.
Nervous + Excited = Nervited
The phrase "nervited" was coined by experts to capture the peak of sexual arousal: a combination between nervous and excited. Scientifically, it means the right amount of cortisol in your blood is prime for excitement — the good kind of not knowing.
Not to go all full circle on you, but this proves that over-talking, over-thinking, or flat-out just telling each other what you want doesn't always result in... explosive... results (sorry). Go in a little blind, feel each other out, and see what happens. Let the nervous energy and the initial awkwardness unfold into excitement. The great unknown will lead the way.