9 Ways to Channel More Positivity into Your Relationship
Whether you’re married, have been dating for years, or are in a newly minted relationship, there will be times when you struggle to maintain a positive attitude about your relationship. Negative feelings in your relationship can come from external stressors, disappointment with your partner or yourself and personal struggles that make it hard to be positive. Maintaining positivity can take work and creativity, but is such an important part of happy and healthy relationships. Making the effort to be positive will help the longevity of the relationship and will increase your overall happiness while you are in the relationship. Sometimes all it takes to channel positivity is changing your mindset about little things. But, other times it will require you to address deep seeded issues that are causing negative emotions. Regardless of the cause of negativity, it’s totally possible to change your mindset and cultivate a more positive outlook. Here are a few tips on how to channel more positivity into your relationship:
1. Avoid unnecessary criticism
When you spend a lot of time with someone, it can be easy to notice all the little things that drive you crazy in addition to all the little things that you love about them. It’s totally natural to notice and get annoyed/driven up the wall by personality quirks, but it’s important not to call all these things to your partner’s attention. Afterall, everyone has quirks! Being overly critical of your partner will cause them to feel less confident about themselves in the relationship, feeling like they never do the right thing or can’t live up to your standards. Even if there are things that bother you, try not to criticise your partner for them. If you feel yourself about to criticize something small, try to swallow your negative thoughts and instead focus on the little things that you love about them.
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2. Compliment your partner
In addition to avoiding unnecessary criticism, going out of your way to compliment your partner can add more positivity to your relationship and make your partner feel appreciated and loved. Focusing your energy on the things you like about your partner, and vocalizing these things will help you look past their negative attributes and will help you channel more positivity into the relationship. Remember that it’s okay to repeat compliments. You don’t have to go out of your way with super creative affirmations. Consistently hyping them up will feel good to do and your partner will really appreciate it. Praising your partner in this way will channel more positivity and good vibes into your relationship.
3. Reminisce about the past
If you are going through a rough patch with your partner and are having a hard time finding anything to be positive about in your current situation, reminisce about better times! Sometimes externalities like job stress, family problems, financial problems, etc., can negatively affect your relationship. And when you are in a rut, it can feel difficult to channel positivity. Or maybe you aren’t even in a rut, but have so much on your plate that you just can’t figure out a way to put energy into cultivating positivity (we get it, it can be difficult!). Regardless of your current state, looking back at fun times that you’ve had as a couple in the past will not only remind you of better days, but it will also remind you of why you are with your partner and the potential of your relationship. You have had good times before, and with a shift in circumstances and mindset, you can have good times again. Focusing on past happy times will help you stay positive even if you are in a rough patch.
4 . Be realistic
Everyone is flawed and all relationships have their problems. If you go into a relationship expecting things to be perfect, then you will constantly be disappointed with the realities of being in a serious relationship. Even if things seem perfect in the beginning, the honeymoon phase will wear off and you will have to grapple with the realities of a long term commitment, which can mean lots of hard work and self improvement. Having realistic expectations for your relationship, your partner and even for yourself will help channel positivity into your relationship. These realistic expectations will also allow you to really appreciate all the great parts of your partner and your relationship, which will also increase positivity.
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5. Focus on gratitudes
In addition to setting realistic expectations, it’s important to recognize the things that you are grateful for in your relationship. Is your partner a great listener? Are they the only person who knows how to calm you down after a stressful day? Do they go out of their way to support you in your career/your goals? Are they a great parent? Do they make you laugh? Like we said, complimenting your partner is important, but it’s also important to praise them privately through gratitude exercises that remind you of the great parts of your relationship and why you are with your person. Focusing on things like intention setting and gratitudes can help you establish a more positive mindset that can translate into more positivity in your relationship.
6. Ask for what you want
Don’t expect your partner to be a mindreader! That is completely ~ unrealistic ~, which, as we just talked about, is only setting your relationship up for unhappiness and even failure. If you know what you want, communicate your needs to your partner! All relationships are better when there is good communication. And good communication often means saying what’s on your mind and asking for what you want. A lot of the time we expect our partner to understand our hints or subtle suggestions, and when they inevitably don’t.... We get upset and develop negative feelings when they don’t do/understand what we want. To avoid this problem, be clear about what you need in the first place. Your partner wants to help support you, so it’s up to you to let them. Embracing open communication by speaking your mind (in a non-critical way) and asking for what you want will improve your relationship, which will lead to more positivity overall.
7. Look to increase your emotional connection
Relationships can be really hard, but are ultimately worth the struggles and hard work when you really care about the other person. Increasing your emotional connection to your partner will help you overlook their flaws, and embrace the relationship for what it is. Increasing your emotional connection can mean a lot of different things, from spending quality time together, to picking up hobbies as a couple, to date nights to emotional check-ins to therapy. Whatever avenue you choose to take, dedicating time to increasing your connection to one another (in whatever way is best for your relationship) will improve your relationship while adding more positivity. Dedicating time and energy to your relationship will show consistent effort, which can inspire the same in your partner, which can lead to even more connection in a kind of positive feedback loop of relationship positivity!
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Even if you are in a relationship, it’s important to prioritize self care and self improvement. While it can be easy to get swept up in a new love, and to pour your energy into supporting your partner, it’s important to take time to yourself to check in on your own wants and needs. A lot of people feel like it’s selfish to prioritize themselves every once in a while, but this could not be further from the truth. Prioritizing your mental health and self love will help you channel more positivity into your life and into your relationship. Think about it, if you aren’t dedicating mental space to your own well being, you will not be able to be a good partner or support system. Taking space to focus on your wants and needs will give you more positive energy to put into your relationship in the long term. Encouraging your partner to focus on self care will also let them cultivate a more positive attitude, which will translate into more positivity in your relationship as well.
Like we said above, sometimes it’s necessary to turn to experts when it comes to improving your relationship and channeling more positivity into it. Relish is a relationship coaching app that can help you and your partner identify, set and achieve relationship goals. If you are struggling to find things to be positive about in your relationship, you can bring this to the attention of your trained, personal, relationship coach who will help you navigate this problem and add more positivity into your relationship through small, achievable steps, until you are able to reach your goal. Relish offers the professional advice of therapy, but with the added convenience of being remote, and on your own timeframe.
Relish coaches can help you identify specific issues related to positivity (or a lack thereof) in your relationship, so that you can make achievable goals to help you channel more positivity into your relationship. Interested? Click here to claim your free trial.