Still Thinking About Someone? 10 Tips for Getting Out of Your Head and On with Your Life
What does it mean when you can't get someone off your mind? Whether it's a crush, missed connection or the ex that “got away” overthinking about someone can begin to take its toll on your mental health and prevent you from seeing new opportunities coming your way. While it’s important to allow yourself enough time to properly grieve and get over the end of the relationship, after a while enough is enough and you should take concrete steps to try and move on with your life. If you are still thinking about someone, but want to get out of your head and move on with your life, check out these ten tips for moving on.
Get to know yourself better
When you are in a relationship for any amount of time whether it’s a couple months or a couple years, it is easier than you might think to start to lose your sense of self. A lot of people become a different person when they enter a relationship in order to compliment their partner. This can mean taking up different hobbies, changing their standards on certain things, and even letting some boundaries slide in favor of making the relationship work. All relationships take compromise, and doing these things is not necessarily all bad, but it can sometimes lead to people feeling lost when in the relationship. This feeling is often compounded when a relationship ends, which can lead you to feel as if you don’t even know yourself. To help move past your relationships, focus on getting to know yourself better. Think about who you were before the relationship. And what you learned during the relationship that you can take forward in order to be the best version of yourself. Taking some time and space to yourself to really check in and evaluate your wants, needs and priorities as an individual can help you move past a relationship in a positive and constructive way.
“Getting in touch with yourself” is often easier said than done, especially if you are not in the practice of doing so. A great way to channel your inner feelings and get in touch with your emotions is to put pen to paper. Something about journaling and expressing yourself without an audience allows you to work through things that are clouding your mind. Taking just a few minutes each day to jot down things that are bothering you, things that you are trying to work out in your head, goals (both short-term and long-term) or daily gratitudes can help ground you during a time of transition and can help you work out things that are on your mind. Journaling is great because your ideas don’t have to be fully formed. Writing down things that immediately come to mind can actually help you move on from those things, which can be helpful when you are trying to get over a relationship or a person.
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Reclaim a hobby or talent
Like we said before, we sometimes lose our sense of self in a relationship, which can sometimes mean abandoning our hobbies or talents. Sometimes we do this intentionally, as a compromise, or in order to make space for other things in life, while other times, life gets too busy and we forget to make time for things that are important to us. Regardless of why you stopped pursuing a hobby or talent, being newly (or not so newly single) is a great time to reclaim your hobby or talent. Use your free time towards something productive by going back to something that you enjoy doing, or picking up a new hobby. This will not only help restore your sense of self, it can also help introduce you to a new group of people who share that hobby or talent. Getting to know new people is a great way to get an ex off of your mind.
Get involved in the community/volunteer
Another great way to take your mind off of an old flame is to spend some time out in the community through volunteering or outreach activities. Involving yourself in things that help out other people will not only help keep you busy, but it is also super rewarding. Whether you want to volunteer at a school, work at a local soup kitchen or hang out at a local animal shelter, finding ways to get involved in your community will help you meet cool people with similar interests and it will help you feel like you are making positive contributions in your community.
Hang out with your friends
When you get out of a relationship, it can often feel super lonely. You go from having a built in dinner date/adventure buddy/plus one to being completely single. While some alone time is good right after a relationship ends, it’s also important to reestablish a social life without your ex. This can be tricky if you and your ex share a friend group, but even that doesn't prevent you from hanging out with your friends. Maintaining a social calendar is a great way to keep your ex off of your mind and begin to move on with your life.
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Unfollow them on social media
Some people think that it’s petty to unfollow an ex on social media after a breakup, but from a relationship expert point of view it is sometimes an absolutely necessary step in getting over an ex. It can be really hard and even triggering to constantly see an ex on your feed when you are trying to keep them off of your mind. Unfollowing them on social media will give you some time and space to get over them and move on with your life. You can always follow them back if you ever feel ready to, but you do not owe it to them to keep up with their social media.
Avoid places they frequent
The only thing worse than constantly seeing your ex on social media is having an awkward run in with them in public. Though it’s not possible to completely avoid your ex, it is possible to avoid the places that they frequent to lower the chances of a run in. This doesn’t mean that you need to totally change your life around in order to avoid them, but if you know they go to a certain coffee shop, try out a new place. Or find a new favorite bar in a different part of town. Avoiding spots they frequent can help lower your general anxiety about running into an ex while you are out, which can help you move on and get them off of your mind.
Like we mentioned before, sometimes it’s helpful to change your routine to avoid running into an ex. If you both love the same coffee shop, there’s a chance that you will run into them the next time that you are trying to get coffee there, which can make it hard to keep them off of your mind. To avoid a potential run in, change up your routine and try out a new place. This is also a great excuse to explore new spots in your town and meet new people. In addition to avoiding the places you frequented as a couple, it can be helpful to change up other aspects of your routine. Doing this can help delineate a new chapter from an old chapter and help you get your ex off your mind!
Avoid the urge to reach out (especially when intoxicated!).
If you are still hung up on an ex after a breakup, it’s important to avoid reaching out to them, especially if they have already moved on. Trust the reasons that you broke up in the first place and try to focus on moving on with your life in a productive way. It can be really tempting to reach out to an ex when feeling nostalgic, sad, or lonely and this only becomes more tempting when you’re drunk, but you should avoid the urge to reach out at all costs. Reaching out (especially if you are drunk) can create messy situations and interfere with feelings of closure about the relationship.
Talk to someone
Sometimes it’s just not possible to get over an ex without a little bit of help from an expert. Relationships can leave deep wounds that are hard to heal on your own. Even if a relationship wasn’t particularly traumatic, it can still be difficult to move on given past relationships, attachment issues and your mental health. If you are having a hard time moving on from a relationship, consider talking to a relationship expert at Relish. Relish is a relationship coaching platform that helps people work through relationship troubles with actionable steps. While relationship coaching is mostly for people that are in relationships, the experts can also help you make moves to get over a past relationship. The relationship coaches at Relish are experts in their field who can help you make a game plan to get over your ex and get them off of your mind.
Taking time to care for yourself and process the end of a relationship is fundamental to your wellbeing - Get more relationship self care tips, customized lesson plans, quizzes and more with #1 relationship coaching and self care app. Download now and try us free for 7 days!